Judges

Let's be honest: reading the old Testament can be a little daunting. Jesus hasn't exactly come yet and the Holy Spirit only fills certain people that God chooses to help execute His will. Other than that, we see a lot of sin run rampant, wars take place, and books full of history. But! (There is always a "but,") God's plan is still working and we get all the background knowledge to how David's family line came to be and all the prophecies, we later discover, come true! Every single one! Nevertheless, the Lord led my heart to Judges this past week and told me to dive head in to an unfamiliar section of the Bible. Man, did He have to say a lot.

One of my favorite judges was Gideon. He was, "'the least in [his] family,'" and a part of, "'the weakest [clan] in Manasseh.'" {Judges 6:15}. Ever heard the phrase, "God uses the weak to lead the strong"? or "For when I am weak I am strong"? (Check out my 2 Corinthians post for more details.) God specifically chose Gideon, the least of his family which was in the least tribe of the nation to save everyone. Not only that, God took the thousands upon thousands of men that were supposed to aid Gideon in taking over the Midianites and made his army into 300 men. That's it. God doesn't need many people to work for His good, for all things are possible in Him and He will give you strength exactly when you need it.

As soon as Gideon receives the interpretation of the dream that God will use him to defeat his enemies, Gideon "bow[s] down and worship[s]." {Judges 7:15}. IMMEDIATELY THIS HAPPENS. Gideon does not wait until he has actually conquered his enemies, He does not wait for someone else to start worshiping God and then follows along, instantly, he turns everything back to God! The Lord had provided signs for him before that He exists and will keep Him safe, but yet another prophecy and that is enough for Gideon! My question to myself and you readers is do you do that? Do you instantly glorify God for all the good He brings into your life? For that good test grade? For that good race? For the fact He keeps you safe and brings you home alive every single day? For the fact that you have a voice to sing and call out to Him? etc. For Gideon, it was a big thing, but shouldn't we be praising Him for all things, big and little? 

Finally, the fact that Gideon trusts God so much allows him to hear God's voice. Not only did an angel visit Gideon and give him the news that he would strike down on the Midianites, but after the angel left, God spoke directly to Gideon, bringing words of comfort and peace. "But the Lord said to him, 'Peace! Do not be afraid. You are not going to die.'" {Judges 6:23}. Coming from the Lord of everything ever created, if He told me that I was not going to die, I don't think I could run away from anything He was going to ask me to do. God is the Prince of Peace and tells us that there is no reason to fear for if God is on our side, who could possibly be against us? Who could possibly conquer us if we are fighting in the name of the Lord? This also gives me reassurance that the more time I spend with God, follow through with what He asks of me, praise His name and give me all that I have, I will be spoken to. It takes time and it takes patience, but shown countless times in the Bible, even God speaks and loves the weakest.

Tomorrow is the day that I move into the U and although I could not be any more excited to start a new adventure, doubt likes to creep up on me and say, "You can't do it." Well, with God, I can do anything from talking to strangers to sharing my faith to moving mountains to changing a nation. Therefore, I will not be afraid when adversity comes because it will come, but His love and power is all the more greater.

~Ashlyn

Psalm 8

Sometimes, I wonder why God wakes me up at 3:00AM only for me to hear... Nothing. this has been happening recently, and i sit there thinking, "Um, God. I'm awake. I am assuming this is important since everything You say is important. So I'm awake and listening. What's up?" And then... Nothing. BUT NOT THIS MORNING! Before I could even get through the usual, "Extremely good morning to You, what-" Psalm 8 was in the forefront of my mind. I was a little taken aback at first since it's been a few weeks since I clearly heard a distinct passage to look at, but nonetheless, I was excited to look at it.

Psalm 8:
Lord, our Lord,
how majestic is your name in all the earth!

You have set your glory
in the heavens.
² Through the praise of children and infants
you have established a stronghold against your enemies,
to silence the foe and the avenger.
³ When I consider your heavens,
the work of your fingers,
the moon and the stars,
which you have set in place,
⁴ what is mankind that you are mindful of them,
human beings that you care for them?

⁵ You have made them a little lower than the angels
    and crowned them with glory and honor.
⁶ You made them rulers over the works of your hands;
you put everything under their feet:
⁷ all flocks and herds,
and the animals of the wild,
⁸ the birds in the sky,
and the fish in the sea,
all that swim the paths of the seas.

⁹ Lord, our Lord,
how majestic is your name in all the earth!

These verses say in other words a lot of things I have heard before: that even if God tends to the crows and flowers, will He not provide for you? (Matthew 6:26) That God cares to know my name despite the fact He created the entire universe and I am of no size importance? (Jeremiah 1:5) etc. But the words are not put in a familiar order, they are written poetically (which speaks to me because I have been given a passion for writing and poetry.)

Through the praises of infants and children, all of us since we are ll God's children, no one can harm Him or us. I remember working at the daycare for about 5 years and when one of the kids complimented me with their innocence, I would remember it for a long time, even when they needed a timeout weeks later. It was still the cute little blue eyed boy who told me I was pretty. Now, if we are the children of God, does He also not take delight when we praise Him with our innocence and simple words? I can say, "God, you are so good" (one of my new favorite phrases) as much as I want, but that does nothing to even represent His splendor! But with such simple words, He conquers every single enemy He has and we encounter. How encouraging is this to us?!

Then who are we? Who are we to call upon the God who spoke the word, "light" and it was there? The closest I can get to that is clapping to a sensor, but no! He spoke and that was it! His power surpasses everything! Yet He provides everything we need to us with ease, placing it directly beneath our feet so all we have to do is bend over and pick it up. No work at all. Not to mention that He loves us so much that He gave us His creation to rule over, despite havign made it Himself. How can we even claim to take the credit for all this goodness?! What have we done to deserve this?! NOTHING! ABSOLUTELY NOTHING! (I would indeed be yelling this if I was reading it aloud.) And somehow every day we say, "Look at how amazing these people are for building this or creating that or curing said disease or etc." We did nothing, all we did was bend down and pick up the creation God left us to take care of! No work!

What I am not saying is that we should downplay when certain illnesses are cured or an endangered species is being saved, but we should glorify God all the more for providing us with the information, the creation, the goodness and love to do these things!

Now how does this relate to me at 3:00AM on Friday morning (can I even say morning?) Another way to look at this passage is to see how much God values us and that because He sees us as worthy of taking care of all He has made, why should we seek approval from those around us? I don't struggle with it like I used to and I embrace it now that I am different from my peers, but that isn't to say that it doesn't flare up sometimes and I wonder how I will feel about myself in the future if so-and-so doesn't like me. It doesn't matter! Because God loves me and finds me in His favor and I am saved! That is enough, forever! It also reminds me to not look to the future too far (especially with college right around the corner. Yikes.) when I will be trying to make a lot of friends. Not everyone will like me, and that is just A-okay! As long as I continue to praise His name, everything will fall right into place in front of my eyes.

~Ashlyn

Going Back to the Sea

Recently, I uploaded this picture a few days ago as my cover photo on Facebook and I am immediately transported back to this day:
The sun was shining, the wind was slight, and I was taking a tour of the coast around my town with Eric, his host family, Hope, her host family, and some other Rotarians from Vigo. We were at San Andres de Teixeido and we trecked down one of the steepest hills I have encountered. At the bottom waiting was a path that led to this rock I am standing on in the picture. I have run past the ocean, I would go up hills to watch the boats come in at the end of the day or see the sunset drop itself behind the cliffs, I went to the beach to simply enjoy the smell of sea brine and listen to the calming waves hit the sand.

But the sea taught me many things whether that was to allow myself to see God's glory in full force or beginning to understand just how big God is and how small I am. Distinctly, i remember running one day and pausing to see the water crash and swirl around the boulders in the water. I thought how beautiful and unforgiving the ocean is: it doesn't care if you are simply swimming or on a boat, it can capsize you if not respected properly. Then I thought about Peter and how he was terrified of the storm around him while walking out to Jesus. I never sat at the ocean during the storm, but even just observing it on a relatively calm day, I began to sympathize with him a bit more. No, I am not saying that I would doubt Jesus but I can begin to understand where Peter is coming from.

I remember looking out at the ocean and it stretched for miles with no end, I wasn't even looking at 1% of the ocean and I felt like a grain of sand! How small I am in this world! Yet God chooses to know my name, my heart, my sorrows and care for me as if I was the only person in the world. If grace is an ocean, we're all sinking and how much more ocean is available! Even if all people on Earth were in the sea, there is so much more room left! God has so much grace for us, all of us, and it won't run out, it stretches for miles and miles as far as our eyes can see! And all we have to do is step out of the boat.

Mission: U of M

It hit me this morning like a brick wall while I was walking to the bathroom at the bank: GOD'S PLAN IS SO GOOD AND ALL I HAVE TO DO IS PATIENT BECAUSE HE IS WORKING FOR MY FAVOR. I legitimately can't explain this overwhelming excitement inside me right now and how joyful I feel. SERIOUSLY. How did I miss all this before?! Like fkljqelriorfjdd5f4eruq33yue!!! (Hopefully running my fingers across the keyboard like that can convey all my enthusiasm. Maybe not. Probably not.)

What on Earth am I talking about? College. What about college? Everything. This fall, just kidding, in 19 days, I move into my dorm at the U of M - Twin Cities campus. Before making my official decision in December last year, I had thought about/looked at/filled out applications for 2.5 years. To say the least, I was more than worried and anxious always about going to school. Finally, in December, God calmed my heart and led me to go to the U, despite never having a tour there or knowing more than the fact that Minnetonka ships off a good portion of the senior class there. Progressively this summer, I have been getting more and more excited for all the things this next year will bring and the Lord reaffirms this decision every day.

How so? Today, I was just hired by a friend into the Carleson School of Business and Management. Job? Check. The Rotex (past exchange students who went on a Rotary Youth Exchange) hub is the U campus. People who understand my year? Check. I will be living in the honors community in my dorm. Stimulating intellectual environment? Check. All my classes pertain to language and 3/5 are in Spanish. Speaking Spanish/learning more languages? Check. Classes that interest me? Check. I have friends who are encouraging me to join the Christian worship/organizations on campus as well as go with me to ones at other campuses like Vespers at Bethel. Supporting Christian community? Check. Endless study abroad/international seminar options. Traveling? Check. Not to mention, all the friends I have in every year there who can pass down wisdom and hang out with me. Friends? Check. Beautiful campus? Check. Tea Garden? Check.

God has so incredibly and strategically brought certain people into my life to help aid this and show me that this was the best choice and was a part of the plan all along. HOW COOL IS THAT?! That God knew I would go there and feel so content with it way before I did! All I had to do was bask in His glory and allow Him to speak to me in little ways for a long time.

To those who don't know where you are going, what you want to do, what classes you will take, where you will work, just stop. Be still and silent. Let God speak to you in His time because He is your best advocate and will always work for your favor when you put all your trust in Him. Let it all go (cue "Frozen" soundtrack) and let Him deal with the future. My God is in control and that's all I need to know to satisfy me.

~Ashlyn

Lamentations

The Lord works in very unique ways to say the least. My goal that I have recently adopted is to learn to be patient, still, and find quiet times to simply listen to what God has to say to me because He truly has so much to say! We just need to stop talking to Him and allow Him to have a turn to talk to us. So that is what I am doing now: I am praying the Holy Spirit impresses the exact words He wants me to write upon my heart and mind so I, as well as others, can learn more about God and His profound love.

Before we jump in, let's do some quick reviewing/context of Lamentations. The exact author of the book is unknown, some believe Jeremiah but that has not been confirmed. the general idea of this book is it is a collections of laments from the people of Jerusalem as their city is destroyed and God appears to be silent. The cycle of apostasy is happening meaning that Israel turned away from God and sinned, is punished, and then asks God for forgiveness. However, God does not seem to be answering them in a timely fashion and they are wondering why God has forsaken them? To answer this, let's look at Lam. 3:39, "Why should the living complain when punished for their sins?" I see this verse in two main ways: 1) what the living suffer for their sins is nothing compared to what they could suffer if they do not devote their lives to God and suffer in Hell. 2) What even gave them, and us, the impression that they should complain? They have sinned! There is punishment for doing so! God sees all so there is absolutely no hiding any wrongdoings from Him. And they choose to complain. How entitled they must feel. They, we, deserve God's wrath 77 by 7 times. We do not deserve Jesus' spilled blood. We really deserve nothing because we constantly turn our backs on God.

Discussed last night with some friends, we are called to be patient with one another, but not tolerate bad behavior if it continues to happen. God does the same: His patience surpasses ours infinitely and it has been prophesized as well as observed, He is not tolerant with our poor behavior forever. He punished Israel by allowing her to be captured by enemies and Revelations tells us that one day God will come back to rescue those who love Him and His tolerance will not continue. The cycle of apostasy never ceases (even in the smallest forms of choosing sin over what God wants for us,) because it is in our nature to sin, but that should not allow us to have the mindset to abuse God's patience and forgiveness. I see these beginning chapters as a historical view into the minds of the people, but also as a warning, that these things can/are still happening. Look at Israel and the Gaza strip right now. The destruction and separation of the country is terrifying.

But this should not discourage us! Lam. 3:57, "You came near when I called You and You said, 'Do not fear.'" God does not ignore us when we call onto Him, God is not immune to our suffering, He loves us in the midst of our punishmentl; the punishment is out of love for He wants us to come back to Him. it si those simple words that should erase any doubt or anixety we hold onto. If there is one person whose words we can fully trust, it's God's. He commands us to not fear because there is nothing bigger than God and nothing that His power can't fix/do. There is no reason to fear with God on your side because if He is for you, what possibly could be against you that is more than God? Nothing. 

There is absolutely no reason to seek help from elsewhere. Lam. 4:17 "Moreover, our eyes have failed, looking in vain for help; from our towers we watched for a nation that could not save us." We are so incapable and stubborn that we insist on looking for another nation, another person or tangible thing to assist us even though we know they can't help! Ultimately, when we have hit rock bottom, like Israel is in these passages, you have no one else to turn to but God. And He wants that. He wants us to understand how weak we are to see how much we need Him. God is not smug or arrogant when we come back to Him and ask for forgiveness, but He is still patient. Think back when you were a child and your mom or dad just came home from work. If you were anything like me, you got a running start across the room and ran to them. I have a distinct reoccuring memory of my dad walking through the door right when the sun shined through our front glass door wearing a white collared shirt, khaki pants, and blue or red tie and he would crouch down with the biggest smile on his face, waiting for me. When I did notice him, I ran as fast as my little feet could take me to him and try my best to tackle him (which of course didn't work.) This is how God is: meeting us where we are, ready to embrace as in His arms as much as He can.

Needless to say, Lamentations ends with people begging God to forgive them, restore them as good as new to what He wants for them to be: His people. They see how they have sinned and need to turn away from that life in order to hear God again. It is impossible to hear God when we've put Him outside and shut the door of our heart, but when we let Him in, allow Him to help clean up the mess we have made, He speaks to us and tells us exactly what we need to know.

2 Corinthians 12:9

‘But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.’ (NIV)
‘Each time he said, "My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness." So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me.’ (New Living Translation)

-2 Corinthians 12:9

I am finding it more and more that I am told that I am not enough, what I do is not enough, and there is always something bigger/better/more out there. I have been taught that I can always have better grades and even if I have the best grades, I can ask the teacher for extra credit and do more or take harder classes to bump my GPA above the 4.0 line; I have been taught that even if I am on a good sports team, there is someone or a record better; I am told that I can always be thinner, prettier, stronger, faster, nicer, more God-like even, etc. Simply, I am not enough and I won’t ever be. I fall short constantly of the expectations my family or friends have for me and the ones I have for myself. At the same time, I am given more than enough and told that I need more. More clothing, more money, more gadgets, more friends, etc. Even when you are full of food, we are encouraged to take more and eat more! Louis C.K. jokes about this and said in one of his performances, “I’m not done eating when I’m full, I’m done when I hate myself.” It becomes harder and harder to apply filters to our lives and understand when we have had enough of anything.

Definition of grace: the unmerited operation of God in the heart of man, effected through the agency of the Holy Spirit. Graceis not merely unmerited favor; it is favor bestowed on sinners who deserve wrath.

Last night, I fell off the wagon, fell short of what the expectations placed on me, fell short of what I thought God expects of me. So I prayed and talked to God, asking Him to wipe my slate clean and remove the guilt I was feeling. I remained quiet and asked Him to speak to me in some form, but I soon fell asleep. When I woke up this morning, the first part of this verse was echoing in my mind. My grace is sufficient. Although I have heard this verse in church and sung about, a new chord was struck inside of me and I picked it apart to figure out why. Not my grace, not my parents’ or my sister’s or my friends’, God’s grace, something I am completely undeserving of and the Highest of High’s grace, the only grace I yearn for and need, is the thing that is saving me. So His grace, which I defined before, and intangible thing that changes my heart of stone to clay that God can remold, is. It is. Not it was, not it only was worth something when Jesus was alive and teaching, but it is. God’s grace is not limited and expires after said amount of time, but it works now, in this moment. Even more, His grace is sufficient. It is enough. It is enough. It is not too little, but more importantly many believe that His grace is too much. It is not too much. Yes, it is unmerited, but it is the perfect amount, infinite. Why do we want or need it to be infinite? Because we infinitely sin and are incapable of stopping. We need His constant love and grace to wash away our constant evil.

The verse continues and says how God’s power works best when we are weak, when we are broken. Embracing our brokenness will allow God to work in our lives. We can gain as much physical strength as we want, but it is no match to God’s. He made the universe from nothing. How can we begin to compare? When we believe we are strong, our hearts become hardened and we think that God isn’t necessary all the time or anymore. And then we fall off the wagon, we hit rock bottom, etc. We are shown that, no, we are not strong nor will we ever be, no human strength can pick us up and allow us soar like eagles.

His grace will rest upon us, but the Greek word (EPISKANA) used means to cover like a tent. This tent is our shelter from the heat, from the bugs, from the storms, from outside forces that try to destroy us. The tent is our refuge. As a runner, during races, tents are set up at the end of the race to treat those who are injured and fatigued. During my marathon, I wanted nothing more than to see the medical tent at the end, to rest my exhausted body and get care for all of the part of me that hurt. God invites us to come to Him with weary souls in need of care to rest with him and allow His grace to cover us and protect us from all of the outside forces that wish to destroy us. So when we go to God with our weaknesses, He will care for us in every way possible, no matter what part of the race we are in.

Discussed at a previous Bible study, I see again that I am called to rest, do nothing, and allow God to take care of me no matter how wounded I may be. I have done nothing to deserve this grace and I just have to sit in his presence to receive it! What a gift! He provides exactly what I need exactly when I need it. He is the gardener and I am the vine. He is the tent and I am the tired soul inside. Father and daughter, King and His people, etc. All have to do with an overarching figure of love and care and those who would not survive without it. Is it not the King’s responsibility to call his citizens into the castled city when invaders come? Is it not the father’s responsibility to pick up his son/daughter and carry to safety when they fall off their bike? The gardener loves his fruit and ensures that it is being taken care of to the best of his ability. Etc. God’s best ability to care for us is the best ability we could ask for.

1 Cortinthians 13:4-8a

The Holy Spirit has been speaking to me in some pretty cool ways lately, mainly by placing certain verses on my heart and then giving me words to explain them or reflect on them longer than I have before so I discover something new about them. So I'm adding this now to my blog (and with the new handy dandy layout, you can choose a label to read about posts from a certain topic. So if you only want to read about Spain, click that label.) So here is the first of hopefully many more.

Boys. Love. Nowadays, what does that even mean? Do they truly hold high value like they once did? Did they ever have that high of a value? It appears that in my time they are things to be thrown around, discussed, brashly acted upon with no regard to how the man or woman will feel later. Sex is casual, the word love is used to describe affection for things versus people, and nights out with friends can easily turn into who many people we can kiss before we go home. Is there any regard or respect for the emotional implications of these actions? How it might affect us in the future? Our future relationships? Our future spouse(s)? Our future families and the values we teach our kids? How comfortable would you be telling your future children that you loved more people than their daddy? Could they trust that you will always love daddy? Or what about the time you got drunk enough that you couldn’t remember all the men you kissed or hooked up with? Yeah, it was a rager, but would you want your daughter to look up to you and say, “I want to do that too one day!”? I highly doubt it.

So then why do we do it? Are we truly that desperate that we can’t wait for marriage? Or until we are in a long serious relationship? We are taught now that love is something to be sung about and long after every day of our lives, to feel lonely if we aren’t in a relationship or even around friends! In fact, humans were made to love and give love. God created Adam to love, created Eve so they could love each other and love the Earth. For the Earth was good and made in God’s perfect image so to tend and care for the Earth was honoring and loving God. They were vulnerable and naked, and felt no shame. They were free to love without fear.

But this is not how we have been perceiving love anymore. In fact, many are afraid to love, afraid to reveal their feelings because of rejection. Shame has clothes us. Love is (usually) not an instant connection like the texting or Facebook we use; love is not smooth and clean but some of the best love endures messes and hardships. Look at Abraham and Sarah! Can you imagine having a child when you were 90 years old?! When your body might not work like it used to and have to chase around a toddler?! Look at Elizabeth and Zachariah: your husband can’t talk, can’t comfort, can’t communicate with his wife during her pregnancy (which I have heard can be even more emotionally crazy than a period.) Look at Mary and Joseph: Mary was to have a child, not to mention THE child of the history of Earth, before they were even married. In that time, what a disgrace that would be! Pregnant before marriage? These relationships were put to the test and pushed the limits of love farther than these couples could have known.

Relationships should have purpose and emotion behind it, not purely physical or lusting. Love is not always shown by kissing or holding hands or allowing someone access to our bodies. Don’t get me wrong, some people show their love mainly through physical touch, I am included in this category. Yet, when we begin to compromise God’s values, the values we strive for, we begin to lose touch with the emotional connection we feel between those touches with friends/a significant other. We shouldn’t be constantly looking for “the one” because no one can truly fit whatever standards we set for the perfect man or woman. At some point, they will let you down and you will be upset or angry with them. Actually, the Bible even tells us what the perfect love is in 1 Corinthians. “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, and it does not anger easily. Love keeps no records of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices in the truth. Love always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.” Answer this: does your past, current, or future partner have all these traits? No. Will they ever? No. Only God satisfies all these aspects of love and only Him. However, we should associate ourselves with people who aspire to demonstrate these traits and it is important to love in such a way that we reflect God’s love. Is it easy? No. Will it ever be? No.

Being a woman in today’s world, advertisements aim to destroy my self-image and my idea of love. In order for a guy to longing look at me, I need to be this skinny, wear Abercrombie distressed jeans (but not too distressed or else it looks trashy and then he won’t like me,) have the perfect smoky eye makeup that it looks sexy but natural, bed head hair that actually took hours to do, short and/or tight tops, etc. I should only buy this color clothing to compliment my skin tone, this color makeup to make my eyes and lips stand out, these types of shoes to appear taller, etc. Basically, buy things to make me look like someone I am not to attain a guy who wants something that I am not. To make it better, I am taught by movies/music/pop culture that if I go partying, I will get free drinks from guys because when I am drunk, I am more social and I dance more and I lower my guard, so that makes me more desirable, right? I am not afraid to “love” anymore when I am intoxicated. I am taught that love is nothing more than a one night stand and a 50% divorce rate because love doesn’t actually last and so what if I am impatient? I can find someone who will last in the meantime while looking for someone, or something, better.

Except this is not what God calls me, calls us to do. Outlined in 1 Corinthians, we are first and foremost called to be patient, to allow God to work in our lives and strategically bring in and weed out the people we need. Being patient is not something we have been taught, hence why people rush into marriages only to end with divorces, have premarital sex, lust after people they can’t have a relationship with because simply put, we are impatient people. Yet when we pray to God and rest in His love, we understand patience and gain opportunities to be patient, thus learning how to exhibit that aspect of love to other (which also in turn shows God’s love.) It ends with the unfailing aspect of love. All in all, at the end of the day, God’s love never fails. It does not desert us in our darkest times and it has existed from the beginning until the end of time. When we are lonely, if we ask God to be with us, His love will not fail you, He will hear your cries, and He will never abandon one of His precious children. Even when we turn our backs on God and sin, He still loves us! It is near impossible for humans to exert such a type of love! We become jealous or bitter or angry in these cases and often we think, “Even if they came back, I wouldn’t want anything to do with them.” Although we don’t always follow through with this thought and may invite those who turned away from us back into our lives, God never thinks this. He opens His arms wide and patiently waits for us to come back. See how the aspects intermingle? If you work on a few of them, more than likely you will also radiate others as well.

 Perhaps I should have started with the context of this section of the Bible as well as the verses surrounding it. Basically, we are incapable of truly loving if we do not know the love of God. In Corinth, people were abusing their spiritual gifts and showing off rather than using them for love or God’s intention. Their, our, charitable acts and “good heart,” do not grow us or benefit us, yet when we have God and are a mirror of His love, the greatest love story in history, He grows us on the vine, He tends to us, and helps us yield more than anything we could have before we knew of His love. Loving is the greatest gift we can give! When we love, the world does not become a place of one night stands and 50% divorce rates anymore.

So where does this leave me in the love and boy situation? Sometimes I still feel confused what a guy actually means when he sends me a text message, but I am confident through God that when I focus on following Jesus, God will bring the man who will love me with a striving love for Him first and me second.

Here I Am

So I have yet to post in a month... And to be quite honest, I have been purposefully putting it off, almost dreading it. I really don't want to face the truth that my exchange is done. I am home, whatever that word means. I am not home, my home for the past year was in Spain, so how do I answer one of the most asked questions, "Are you happy to be home?" Well, I'm not really home.

Other top questions people like to ask:
**Legend: Q=question, A=what I actually say, A=what I am thinking/want to say**
Q: How was your trip?
A: It was so fantastic!
A: It wasn't exactly a trip, it was my life. It was great, it sucked, I was happy and sad and angry and every emotion I would experience if I were in the States, but just in Spain.

Q: What was the best part?
A: Probably being able to travel a lot!
A: ... One part? There is no 'one part.' I adored it all, even when I was upset and depressed, I was still in Spain. I liked how the overcast weather made it beautiful for taking walks on the beach. I liked how my host mom would make baked fresh lemon fish with a soup every Sunday. I liked how my Judith and I would doodle pictures together every day and her cute laugh when I tried to speak Gallego once.

Q: What was your favorite place you went?
A: I really enjoyed Tenerife!
A: Every spot. Every single palce was unique in its own way and I liked them all. I want to live in Granada, I had some of the most memorable moments on a cruise ship, Barcelona captured my heart, there is nothing like the rolling mountains with small farm houses perched on them like in Leon.

Q: Do you think you will ever go back?
A: Absolutely I will!
A: My family is there. A part of my life is there. How could I not go back? It's everything I did and did not want in a year. Spain takes up so much room in my heart now that it would be impossible to never go back.

Q: What's the best part about being home?
A: Probably driving, it's nice to be able to get around now!
A: Okay, I like to drive and I missed my church and Bible study on Monday nights more than most things, but my home is also in Spain... The best part about being in Spain is... See question above.

I am sorry that I am a little angsty over this. Yes, I am happy to be back in MINNESOTA and in the house I grew up in, but mentioned numerous times before, home isn't always a structure. Don't underestimate me though, I am already looking for the soonest study abroad opportunity or plane ticket or road trip to somewhere new and exciting. Adventure is in my system, so, I'm sorry mom and dad, I can't stay still for too long and I'll be gone again before you know it. So who wants to live on a sailboat with me and sail through Southest Asia? Or motorcycle with me through South America? Maybe even take a long drive down to Tennessee. I just need to go.

Luckily, college is right around the corner and that is an adventure in itself. And can I say, I could not be more excited. In fact, during orientation, I immediately bonded with the girl standing next to me because she was an exchange student in Italy the past year! What are the chances?! I will be attending the University of Minnesota Twin Cities and living on campus I believe in Middlebrook in the honors community. No, I do not know my roommate but I will find that out at the end of July! My classes are Spanish, Portuguese for Spanish speakers, service in the Chicano/Latino communities of Minneapolis, bio/physics of a language, and introduction to the college of liberal arts at the U which all add up to 16 credits. But seriously, I am more than excited for college. Let's go gophers!

In the meantime, I am hanging out with friends as much as possible, baking, getting coffee, going to Bible study/church, being a high school leader for Wednesday night youth group, and today I just started work again back at the bank. If you happen to need a babysitter, petsitter, someone to water your plants, etc. or know someone else who might be interested, please let me know! I am taking any and all work this summer before I go away again to start paying for college... Why can't university be cheap like it is in Europe? I also ask a lot of "Why can't the USA do things like they did in Spain?" For example: how conscious are you of when you leave lights or the TV on and you leave the room? It drives me nuts now and I point it out to my family all the time. Ask them. Or how we eat lunch so early! 12:00PM is NOT lunch time, 2:00-3:00PM is. Or dinner at 5:00PM? Try 9:00PM. Why can't Minnesota have mountains or the ocean? Or have the country (state) right next to us speak another language? Why can't we have good seafood? Why, why, why? Oh, that's right, because we are in the good old United States and not Europe. But we should take good notes.

I will say, the day after I got home, I went to church I think for almost 3 hours and as soon as I walked into the worship center, I cried. To make it even worse, they band played my song. My theme of last summer and the one that kept me going while I was in Spain: "Oceans (Where Feet May Fail)" by Hillsong United. I can say in that moment, I was home, I was in God's home and in a place where His presence was never ending. Bible study has been the highlight of every week and spending time with my friends from that group. God strategically places people in my life exactly when I need them, and these friends are no exception. They ask the hard questions and tell me when I need to change what I am doing. They are blessing my life every day and helping me see how the Lord is working within me.

~Ashlyn

P.S. Surprising my mom went perfect. She was more than surprised and we cried... A lot... I will get the video uploaded sometime soon to my blog!

Cruising Along

It is currently 7:00AM... And I am writing a blogpost... I am sure some of you are wondering why and would advise me to go back to sleep. Trust me, I would if I could. Since the cruise has finished, I have had trouble sleeping most nights: falling asleep at odd hours like 10:00PM (which is early for me) or 3:00AM and then waking up at 7:00ishAM to which I discover that my body won't let me go back to sleep. I think it is because it knows I am going home soon and my mind is constantly agitated over it. But since I have not posted in a few weeks, let's discuss the biggest and the best trip I took this year! *Be prepared for a long post*

Florence

Florence

Marseille

Marseille

Monaco

Vatican City

Sarah and me in Nice

Sergio "teaching" me how to dance (but he actually did teach me in all seriousness)

Polaroid of our costume night fiesta

All the exchange students and Rotarians on the trip in Florence

I was away from my home for 12 days which seemed like forever but also passed by very quickly. I spent 3 days in Madrid before leaving for the cruise and I stayed with my friend Robin. I was graciously invited to a Tres Cantos Rotary meeting where they gave the exchange students, including me whose club is NOT Tres Cantos, tickets to the amusement park for the following day. I was blown away by their generosity despite only going for that one meeting. So, the next day, we went to the amusement park which was like a smaller version of Valley Fair right outside of Madrid. The next day, I spent time with Tony because he wasn't going on the cruise and I wanted to say goodbye. Once again, his host parents, who are active members in Rotary and help organize a lot of the events for the Tres Cantos exchange students, invited me to lunch in their home although we had only met a few days before. We said our goodbyes and Robin and I took a walk that night so I could see more of Tres Cantos. 

Then, the big day was finally here. The day of the cruise, the day I had been looking forward to since the minute Rotary mentioned it in orientation in September. Bright and early, Robin and I got our things together and headed to the train station to take a short train into Madrid to meet with a larger group of exchange students to go to Barcelona. I was so excited to see the majority of us back together again since I live in Galicia and can't make it to Madrid like they can on a normal basis. On the train from Madrid to Barcelona, I sat next to Shaena, Bella, and Sergio, who I taught how to play Revolving Pictionary (a drawing game.) Needless to say, because of that gut-splitting game, I got to know them better and felt more comfortable hanging out with them that week. We got to Barcelona and another moment I had been waiting for all year was nearing: seeing Sarah again. We had kept a countdown clock for when we would see each other since February. When I finally did see her, we screamed and hugged for 5 minutes while the rest of the group just stared at us. And then we hugged some more. It felt SO good to see her again and it made me realize how thankful I am to have her in my life through my exchange. So we boarded the ship and we were off! Oh, but not before some bad luck happened, as always. The bad luck did not start with me this time though. Some residency cards of exchange students expired during the trip and because of that, they were not allowed on the ship since apparently they would be illegally entering into Spain after the trip? Don't ask me all the logistics, but 2 people were not allowed to come.

BOAT LOG:

Day 1- Today mainly consisted of exploring the ship, getting to know people, and dancing. We discovered that there was food available somewhere on the ship from the time we woke up in the morning until about 1:00AM. Where there is food, there are exchange students. That night was the first fiesta, but Sarah and I didn't stay out too late. It was held in the discoteca inside the ship but every fiesta after was outside.

Day 2- Our first trip off the boat is today! We went to Marseille, France but only for a few hours. To be quite honest, there wasn't much to see there (perhaps we were just in the wrong place,) but we did hike up to a beautiful church and get stunning views of the entire city (see picture above.) We get back to the boat in time for lunch and afternoon activities like dance class. Each day a different dance was taught. Today was Merengue. Sergio was my dance partner which set a precedent for the rest of the week. Although this "dance class" was taught to many people on the ship, it reminded me of when I was a little girl and took dance classes at the studio and girl scout camp. It also made me want to take up classes again and it got me excited for Famous Dave's Salsa Nights during the summer. That night's fiesta theme was costumes so I dressed up as a hippie (see Polaroid picture above.) Sarah and I also started making friends with the workers on the ship. All of them were from foreign countries like Honduras, Brazil, Colombia, Italy, Spain, Latvia, etc. It made conversations easy because we could ask about their home country and what it was like to work on the ship.

Day 3- Today's excursion brought us through Monaco and Nice. In Monaco, every other car was a Ferrari, Porsche, Rolls Royce, Aston Martin, or some fancy car that cost more than my college education. I am not a car person, but I was that day. We took pictures outside of the Casino which happens to be the most famous in the world and saw how the lines from the recent Grand Prix race were still freshly painted onto the main roads in Monaco. In Nice, we did minimal exploring, going to a church, stopping by a local market, and admiring the ocean mostly. Back on the ship, we were informed that we could go to a beach off ship without adult supervision so we jumped at the opportunity. Swimming in the Mediterranean was amazing: it was warm and the water was so clear you could open your eyes underwater and see the bottom! (Side note: yes, you can open your eyes in salt water because if you think about it, our tears are salt water.) Kate brought her underwater camera so we took lots of pictures. However, because of our fun beach excursion, we missed dance class today and got back just in time for dinner. That night's fiesta was retro night but seeing as I didn't have retro clothing, I just wore a full jean outfit like in the 90s.

Greaser and my 90s getup

The gang

Day 4- Today's excursion was in Genova which means we finally got to Italy. Progressively, we had to get up earlier and earlier to get to our locations. I don't remember the time exactly, but somewhere around 8:00AM or 8:15AM we had to be ready to go. Here, we did another walking tour, went into a museum (where I acted out some art, as always,) tried some pesto, and got tirimisu gelato aka one of the best things on Earth. Sarah and I talked to the locals as best we could in our Spanish and 4 word Italian vocabulary. We did in fact get back to the ship in time for lunch and dance class and we were taught the Bachata. I believe we also went to the Zumba class immediately after. That night was Red night to commemorate the Spain vs. Chile world cup game (which we lost... 2-0...) In the theater, the game played and I watched the last bit there with some friends and then headed to the fiesta for only a little while since the next day we had to get up early.

Day 5- We were informed that we had to be ready to go by 7:30AM today since Pisa and Florence were a 2 hour bus ride inland. Sadly, that morning I discovered that my camera was left on the entire night before so it died only a few hours into our Florence excursion... Florence was amazing though and it was my favorite stop on the trip. So much history and there was some beautiful church or monument around every corner. Unfortunately, we did not go into the cathedral that it is famous for since we were on a tight schedule. For my afternoon snack, I had an iced chai coffee which I think was the best iced coffee I have had ever. Pisa was indeed a letdown because there is a very, very small town and then the tower. Basically, you go to take the picture and leave (which is exactly what we did.) I got tirimisu gelato yet again and it was just as good the second time. We got to the ship late and missed all afternoon activities. That night's fiesta was Gala night so everyone dressed up and Rotary presented us with our exchange completion certificates. I for sure stayed out late that night. However, during the night, I lost Sarah, and she had the key. So I sat outside my room for 15-20 minutes waiting for her. Not too long, but at 3:30AM, it seems like a while. On the bright side, I made friends with two guys down the hall from my room who live/study in Granada so basically I told them how much I love the city and want to live there. My extrovertedness is finally coming out in Spanish, and it only took 9 months.

Hope and me. My little cutie.

Everyone with Spain and Rotary flags

Everyone on the deck

Day 6- When in Rome, do as the Romans do, right? So equipped with no camera, we headed to Vatican City which was a surprise and we were not dressed for the occasion. In order to enter the cathedral (largest in the world,) you need to have your shoulders covered and up until your knees covered. I wore a shoulderless dress that day... So with an American flag tied around my waist and a scarf on my shoulders, I looked as stylish as a tourist could entering the Vatican. The cathedral was just stunning (see picture above.) Sarah was so nice and gave me her camera for the day since she had already visited the Vatican and Rome earlier in the year so although I did not have my camera, her camera was a very nice substitute. Then we went to Rome and Rome was so amazing, just like Florence, historical things everywhere. It exceeded any expectations I had. For lunch, a small group of us found a pizza place and got 4 pizzas which were AMAZING. The coolest part? Our waiter knew English and got English lessons from a man in Minnesota. How great?!? Of course, I got gelato after again because you can't go to Italy and not have gelato every day. We walked through a local market again and got some gifts and finished our day in a nice little plaza. We made it back to the ship late enough that we missed afternoon activities, but the day was full enough that we wanted to rest. That night's fiesta was a white out. Because everyone wore white, if you lost your friend, it was nearly impossible to find them. We stayed out really late because the next way was just for navigation so we could sleep in however late we wanted.

Me and the native Spanish speakers (Chile, Spain, Mexico, and Paraguay)

Normal pictures are hard.

Me, Hope, and Sarah right before the party started

Day 7- Unfortunately, sleeping in late did not totally work since at 10:30AM, the speakers informing passengers of activities of the day was going off. Sarah and I decided to spend the entire day in the sun. I would like to add this in before I go any further: coming from Minnesota where the sun only shines in the summer and I am used to working inside for long hours, my skin is not used to lots of sun at once. Also, in Galicia, it rains and/or is cloudy a lot so not much sun there either. Continuing. Sarah and I through it would be great to spend the entire day in the sun. Taking naps and enjoying the time we have left on the boat with the exchange students. In theory, this was awesome. In reality, 7 hours later, I was nicknamed " pequeño cangrejo" which means little crab. I was indeed that red. To make matters worse, I was wearing a headband on my forehead so I had a nice line across my forehead showing how much sun I got that day... The afternoon activities were dominated by the exchange students so we participated in group dancing, the pool games, dance lessons, and zumba. All consecutively too. Needless to say, it was a very fun day and I spent a lot of time with my good friends on the ship. The last fiesta's was gender flip flop so girls dress up as guys and guys as girls. However, 95% of the girls did not participate in the gender switch, so the fiesta basically was a girl's night. I was asked not to share pictures, but I can say that my guy friends look great in dresses. I met some guys from Galicia that night who live a few hours away from me so it was super fun to have a half Gallego-half Spanish conversation with them! Surprise for all of us! That night I was awake until 5:30AM. Just a wee bit late.

Day 8- 2.5ish hours later, I was shaken awake to Sarah saying, "Ashlyn, we have to be out of our rooms at 8:00." It was 7:45AM. Perfect, 15 minutes to get ready and do a last room check while only getting minimal sleep. What could go wrong? Successfully, we had packed everything the night before so all we had to do was put on clothes and go eat breakfast. We all were then loaded on a bus to drop off some students at the airport and others at the train station. I then headed from Barcelona to Madrid then to Tres Cantos to spend a little time with Lauren and Abby at the Otero's house (the family who I ALWAYS stay with in Tres Cantos,) as well as Sergio's family. Sergio then dropped me off at the train station and I got on two more trains to get back to Ferrol the next morning at 9:00AM. Lots of traveling for 2 days. Lots of uncomfortable traveling for 2 days.

In my free time, here is what I mainly did:

• Spent time with Sarah. Aka we were attached at the hip and even the Rotarians mentioned how where there is one of us, the other is always near.
• Tanned
• Took pictures
• Talked to the staff as they were all from different countries
• Ate
• Slept
• Hung out in the library talking or listening to the piano player or playing cards
• Hung out in the discoteca where they mainly played jazzy music which also led to a great meeting spot for exchangers to play Never Have I Ever
• Swam in the pool or jacuzzies
• Got to know other exchangers very personally by asking questions specifically about them (versus small talk conversation starters)

Even now, it still hasn't completely hit me that I won't see some of these people for weeks, months, years, or even ever again. It is a very unsettling feeling. Some friends I made at the beginning of the cruise like Bailey, Sergio, Bere, Majo, and Ben and others I met early in the year or even before Spain like Alisa, Abby, Hope, Eric, and Sarah. Just to name a few. But I can say that I was friends with everyone on the trip and we got along well. These are the people who understand me the most. In general, exchange students understand each other, but only Spain exhangers will get me when I say how much I miss chorizo or that I want a cup of cafe con leche en la Plaza Mayor. Cosas asi. Me da la pena. And I can Spangles (Spanish+ingles) with them or straight up speak Spanish. I will miss that so much. I am in love with the Spanish language, so to go from 24/7 Spanish to 24/7 English will me da la pena muchisimo. 

My last goodbye was with Sergio at the Tres Cantos train station. He said, "Isn't it weird we just really met earlier this week? And now we are good friends. I spent basically all week with you." And that sums up exchange/exchange student trips very well, that you don't need to know someone for a long time to be good friends with them or enjoy spending time with them. Exchange students bond over our Never-Have-I-Ever stories, being terrible dancers, loving parties, and knowing what it is like to say goodbye to our home country for a long time. I truly can't explain it, but it is a profound bond. I could Facebook a random exchange student in Australia for example and ask to stay at their house and not feel awkward about it because I know we would get along. Granted we get along with some more so than others, but still. Leaving Madrid was hard. Although I did not live there, Rotary was incredibly welcoming and every family I stayed with told me that I am always welcome back, that if I should ever find myself in Madrid again someday, I have to stop by to say hello. They give me hugs and kisses, drive me across town or into Madrid to run a marathon, invite me over for paella or a swim in the pool, etc. They were like my other host families and I could always count on them. I don't know the next time I will be there, which makes me sad because Madrid is my home too.

On that note, when I say I am going home, I am lying a little bit. Cedeira is my home. Madrid is my home. Granada is my home. I wrote in an earlier post that home is where your heart it and a part of my heart is with my host family which means I can't ever be completely content in Minnesota ever again. This isn't a bad thing because it will give me motivation to go back and see the ones I love, but at the same time, I am going back to Minnesota because home is currently in many locations. Not to mention the part of my heart that is with my best exchange friends so Minnesota, New Mexico, Oregon, Pennsylvania, Germany, Paraguay, Chile, Spain, Taiwan, Colombia, Mexico, Canada, etc. I am all over the place. And sitting here in my room right now, it hurts. Perhaps listening the The Head and the Heart is not helping.

The cruise was a great way to end the year with many people and be the last big trip I take. It made me want to learn Italian, meet lots of new people, see exciting places, try new things, be more social, etc. Sarah and I also started planning all the fun adventures we will have this summer so we can hang out and lose our exchange weight (high priority.) I truly cannot say thank you enough to Rotary or be thankful enough that God gave me this crazy opportunity. The old me probably wouldn't recognize the me I am today, but I have changed and grown in so many good ways that this year has been stunning. I won't necessarily say that it is the best year of my life because I know I have so many more great things to come, but so far I can say that is has been phenomenal and ranks right up top.

~Ashlyn

P.S. I finally finished this post at 12:12AM the next day...

Trying Times

I think that is is commonly believed and spread around that God does not give us more than we can handle, that He knows our limits, and the trying times we are put through help to show us how strong we really are. I believe quite the contrary: God does not give us the terrible things that happen in life, as they are a result of sin and Satan which are bad (God is GOOD.) We are put through such times that are intentionally more than we can handle because it shows us how weak we truly are and how much we need God in our lives. We are only strong through the Lord and when we have His strength we will soar like eagles (Isaiah 40:31.) 

This weekend, my world was flipped nearly upside down. I took a birthday road trip with my host mom and upon entering the hotel we stayed at on June 5th, 2014, I found many texts and Facebook messages informing me that my best friend, Maggie Weiss, was hit by a bus at about 7:30AM in Sevilla and that she was/is currently in the hospital. She is in a medically induced coma and suffered head trauma, broken ribs, and broken pelvic bones. Great birthday, huh? 

Perhaps I should explain a little more about our friendship and then you can have a better glimpse into why this has shaken me so much.

Visiting her at college

On da boat

Bike ride through Carver Park

Velociraptor buddies

Maggie and I met about 5ish years ago when we were in a church play together and our moms said we should meet. Maggie had the star role (literally, she was the star of Bethlehem in the show,) and I thought she was the coolest cat ever. We still laugh about it to this day because I was afraid to talk to her and sit in the "cool older kid" group for snacks between rehearsals. Fast forward a few months, we are talking, do worship team together and discover that we are actually pretty good friends! I join a new dance studio, where I have no friends and find out that she, and my other best friend Lindsey, are in my class. Basically, we start spending so much time together and I learn to love her for everything that she is. We went to Homecoming together in 2010, been through break ups, gone on fun biking/running adventures, argued with each other over stupid things like windshield wipers, the whole lot. I call her parents "mom" and "dad," walk through their back door instead of knocking on their front (even if they have people over,) and people have come to associate us being together. She is quite literally the closest thing to my sister without being related by blood. And she was hit by a bus. Me flipo un poco.

To add to this array of stress, my exchange is coming to a close soon. I saw my host sister for the last time this weekend, had a long car drive to Andalucia for the last time, passed that one gas station we always get food at for the last time, admired the green mountains in Castilla León for the last time, etc. I am seeing exchange friends starting to go home and my host mom likes to ask me, "te da la pena de marcharte, no?" ("Does it makes you sad to leave?") This overwhelming sadness coupled with Mags in the hospital, I am reaching levels of anxiety that I have never felt this strong. Sure, I have been stressed over IB/AP test, leaving my family and friends for a year, and other "high stake" situations, but this is different. My host mom and sister were more than amazing this weekend at reassuring me Mags will get better (as my host sister is a doctor and has a friend who works in the hospital she is in,) as well as doing things to help take my mind off of what's been transpiring, to enjoy the short time I have left. Even when I wanted to be alone and quite, they somehow were able to make me laugh and be with them, my family.

The desire to be home with my friends and Maggie's friends as well as stay in Spain is a battle I am now facing constantly. Trying times has been brought upon many people, but God is bigger and has the power to fix it all. For He is strong and we are not.

I have become a prayer warrior, asking God to heal my best friend and care for her family while her parents are with her and Petey is in the states with their grandparents. I am so incredibly thankful for all the support they have gotten as well as me too. Friends have Facebooked me saying that they are praying for the Weiss' but also me because they know how close Maggie and I are. Sarah promised me she would help me find a coffee shop with WiFi everyday we are on our Eurocruise so I can keep updated on the situation (and since there is no free WiFi on the ship.) I cannot begin to thank all of those who are offering prayers, Bible verses, and an ear to listen if I need to let out any stress or sadness. Although times are hard, God is good and He is providing.

~Ashlyn

If you want to keep up on Maggie's status, check out this site where "our" mom and dad post every day. She is getting better and she will be home soon! We can be together again!
http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/maggieweiss